Conscious Coupling (and Other Near-Death Experiences of the Heart)

by Laughing Crow (feat. Eagle Eye & Pieter, who did not approve of this title)

So you’ve awakened.

You’ve untangled your chakras, saged your ex out of your energetic field (mostly), made peace with your inner 7-year-old goblin, and now, like the brave cosmic adventurer you are…

you’ve decided to date.

Dating.

As an awakened soul.

Which is basically like entering a sacred union and a psychological thriller at the same time.

Once Upon a Time…

Your checklist was cute and human:

Likes dogs

Doesn’t live with mum

Can spell their own name

Now?

You’re asking:

Do they honour their triggers without projecting them?

Are they karmically entangled with their ex or just emotionally constipated?

Do they know what a “hollow bone” is and are they one?

Eagle Eye: “To seek another before remembering the Self is to go walking through a storm without your Spirit tied to your spine.”

Pieter: “And without a coat. Or snacks. Or a map. But yes, let’s pretend this is romantic.”

First Dates in the Fifth Dimension

You no longer meet at the pub.

You meet at an outdoor cacao circle hosted by someone named Star Panther.

You gaze into each other’s eyes long enough to trigger a spontaneous past-life flashback where they were your twin brother in Atlantis and possibly also the person who got you banished.

You leave saying things like:

“It was powerful. We activated each other’s codes.”

But you mean:

“I’m confused, overwhelmed, and slightly horny.”

Red Flags Don’t Disappear—They Just Learn to Speak Light Language

Here’s a fun game: spot the unhealed ego dressed in spiritual drag.

The “Divine Feminine” who talks about intuition but avoids any real conflict

The “Sacred Masculine” who says he’s doing the work but mostly just ghosting under the guise of “integration time”

The “Empath” who demands everyone regulate their emotions so she doesn’t have to

Pieter: “Look, just because someone can pull a card doesn’t mean they’re emotionally literate. I once saw a man use the phrase ‘inner child’ to justify not washing the dishes. That’s a war crime.”

So… How Do You Date While Awake?

You stay sovereign.

You love with open eyes.

You don’t get lost in someone else’s shadow work just because it reminds you of your dad.

You remember that a conscious relationship isn’t always smooth. It’s not always soft.

Sometimes it's just two people sitting across from each other, lovingly unpacking their generational trauma while trying not to run away screaming.

Eagle Eye: “The sacred path is not without fire. It is chosen by those willing to be forged by it.”

Pieter: “Or in human terms—don’t text your ex just because Mercury’s in retrograde and you’re lonely. We’ve talked about this.”

In the End…

If you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who doesn’t need you to be healed to love you.

Someone who holds space without losing their own.

Someone who gets the joke.

But until then—

Love your own company like it’s sacred.

Flirt with the universe.

Make Spirit your primary partner.

Because honestly?

There’s nothing sexier than someone who knows how to sit in silence without needing a performance.

And if they do show up in your life?

You’ll recognize them not by how they complete you…

…but by how they never ask you to abandon yourself.

If you enjoyed this delightful blend of cosmic comedy and mildly roasted truth bombs, share it with the fellow spiritually deranged daters in your life.

Because if you can’t laugh while navigating sacred intimacy, what’s the point?

P.S.

Coming soon:

“Tantric Ghosting and Other Fifth-Dimensional Breakups”

“Swipe Right on Your Soul’s Curriculum”

“When Your Twin Flame is a Dumpster Fire (But You Swear They’re Evolving)”

Love, Laughing Crow

—plus the eternal eye-roll of Pieter and the wise squint of Eagle Eye.

www.living5d3d.com